then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
