Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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