By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
