my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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