Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
