sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
