Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
