I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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