I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
