I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
