i think my tv is drunk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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