all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
