Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
