How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
