that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
