the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
