I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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