I faked an abortion last night.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
