Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
