I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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