dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
