I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
