It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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