Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
