Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
