i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
