i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
