Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
