How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
