do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize