Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Holy shit dude........stairs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
