i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
