I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
