you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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