Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
