ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
