Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
