How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
