My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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