I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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