let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
