I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
