Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
