Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
