I'm going to jail i love you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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