My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
