just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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