woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
