she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
