This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
