With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I'm really busy with my period
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