my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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