Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
