She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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