there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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