now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
