you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
