Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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