so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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