Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
