just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
