Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
