Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Slut skills are useful in every country.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
