didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
