Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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