I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
