We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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