Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
