In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
