god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i dont even know how to be here
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
