Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
