ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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