fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm going to jail i love you
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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