We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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