Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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