If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
