whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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