The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
