I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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