Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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