She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i permit you to call me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
