what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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