you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Randomize
