I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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