Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
