I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
