I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
