apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
NoShamevember. You game?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
