Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
