I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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