"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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